Stumbled.......

So I have obviously taken stumbled on this journey that I started with such a passion just a 2 short weeks ago. I have joined a group on FB that is doing Made To Crave and will attend the first chat session tonight in about 30 minutes. I am also thinking it may be high time to go back to Weight Watchers.

I know this is a stronghold for me - a pit that I am in. It is seriously affecting my mood and my motivation. I have to get out of this pit and I know I can't do it alone. I didn't realize what a truly stronghold this was for me. Apparently I thought that this I decided to include God in it this time it would be easier, but I should have known - at at some level I did know, that it would be harder. Satan is coming at me full bore and I have learned today that not only do I need to do my Bible studies, but I have to use my mouth. God doesn't say to think the mountain to move, he says to SPEAK.

This is going to be a struggle for me and I do believe that I can do this through Christ and his strength. I won't give up, I refuse too!

Accountability

Well, I already missed a day - July 4. I was waiting on the computer to do whatever it was it felt the need to do. I got to spend the day with a wonderful friend and her family.

So as for accountability - Lysa says I need to have it. I think I do too. I had Doritos, cake AND cupcake yesterday. Really, like one wasn't enough???? Thinking the cupcake really wasn't necessary and then today I had a salad at 3:30 and then made a cheeseburger and corn on the cob. Probably really wasn't necessary as I am pretty sure I wasn't hungry. Then, about 7:45 I decided that some wings would be good so I made 4. Now, on the plus side (besides the + on the weight factor) I had 8 in the bag and only made 4. Would likely make the other 4 if I weren't typing right now, so this is definitely a good thing for me.

This is so not what I was planning on writing about today, but since the past 2 days have talked about accountability and I don't really have an accountability partner I thought this the next best thing.

Praying for strength that those 4 wings stay in the freezer and I can make decent choices at Buffalo Wild Wings tomorrow.

Thanks for keeping me accountable!!!

Desperation to Determination

Great visual to start the video off toda - Lysa showed a bucket with 3 holes. The bottom home was medium sized, the middle one was smaller, and the top was the largest - now which to do you fix first??

Without a solid foundation on which to build we are likely to fail. Several verses come to mind and they are from Luke. Luke 6:48-49:

"He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and ladi the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like the man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it was collapsed and its dustruction was complete".

So it is with this journey. If I do not repair the foudation - my Want to, when temptation comes I am going to collapse. When I am so tired and/or so hungry my resolve is going to give way, I am going to be desperate for something to give me energy and that is going to lead to defeat. When I have the right want to, I can be determined, I will want success so I will plan for it. I will have quick, healthy options in the apartment - I won't have to run through the drive thru to get something, I can grab a yogurt, piece of cheese and an egg or apple and have a great healthy mini-meal.

I am no longer desperate to loose weight for the vainity reasons, if a guy is not going to like me because of my outward appearance (or not give me a chance) then do I truly want to be with him? Though I must be very cautious on this front as I am very guilty of this myself. This can lead to a whole other blog topic.

I am desperate in the sense that I want to serve God, I want him to use me to further His kingdom. Because of that, I am turning that desperation into determination and using His strength to be successful. After all, I am a Jesus girl. I am Chosen, Blessed, Adopted, Accepted, Redeemed, and Forgiven: I'm believing God!!!! I cannot take credit for this - got from the Beth Moore Bible study Believing God.

I am absolutely LOVING how the Bible studies I am doing are fitting in so perfectly with Made To Crave. I know that none of that is a coincidence - it is GOD!!!

Mission Impossible

Today I got to chose a movie title for how I thought creating a food plan was going to be. I was given a list of title to from which to choose: Psycho, Leap of Faith, Mission Impossible, Life Is Beautiful, High Noon, Do the Right Thing, Les Miserables, Saving Grace, A Time to Kill, and Independence Day. Some of these I hadn't heard of so that reduced my selection immediately, but based upon my past I have chosen Mission Impossible.

I have tried and can be successful in the short run, but not the long. What I feel is the most important flag I can take from this is that I have not completely changed my thought process. I know that this is a journey and I am not going to wake up one morning and Wha-La!! be changed, but I do feel like I am making progress. I realize that it is Mission Impossible as long as I try to go it alone.

The verses that have been speaking the loudest to be are from Isaiah. Isaiah 43:18-19 says to

"forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

This verse is definitely going to help me remove the "im" from impossible and make it possible because it is not possible with me -I'm not able, but He is.

I saw this happen today - I was at Olive Garden for lunch and didn't even have a bread stick. Now I have done this in the past, but it was very difficult. This time I loved it, I didn't want one, and I know that was God because I am a carb junkie. I even chose the healthy soup - Minnestrone - in place of the salad as the salad dressing they use is less than healthy. I also chose just a plain pasta with a tomato based sauce - and it was good. I chose from their items with the olive branch by them - which indicated low fat.

All that being see, I truly believe I have my Want to and as I am working on taking me out of impossible (I'm), I truly believe I am going to be successful and I thank God and give him the glory for my success.

Wishing plans

Wishes and plans, can they co-exitst? Can I wish I had a plan that was going to give me the success I want to experience with this journey? Can I plan to keep wishing that it will happen? I think the previous is probably the path I have been journeying down for quite some time now. I have been wishing it away, my spoiled self was going to wake up one morning and God was going to magically make the pounds go away over night.

So today in Chapter 3 Lysa talks about making/finding a food plan that works for you. I think there in lies the key - it has to work for you. It has to be something I am willing to embrace for the rest of my life. With that being said, I am going to have to venture from what I learned to be called red light foods at WW. Red light foods are foods that you just can't have or they will start a binge.

I can't imagine my life without ever having ice cream, reese peanutbutter cup, bread, chocolate - though have found a great way to have this with my coffee, wings, or any of those other "off limits" foods that people who are "dieting" can't have. This is where I agree with WW, it can't be a diet, it has to be a lifestyle. I believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and this is what I believe - with my whole heart. I don't think I have a physical addiction (such as alcoholism or drug addiction), I think I use food to pacify myself and once I get to the root of my issues I believe God will give me what I need.

My food plan is everything in moderation, with an emphasis on the "outside of the grocery store" and less on the pre-packaged and processed foods. I want to want the fruits and veggies. I have a much easier time with fruits than the veggies. I also need to up my protein intake. The one food I cannot give up in the summer is corn on the cob, so a complete elimination of carbs is pretty much out of the question.

So what am I going to do??? My current plan is to continue building my climbing wall to my Want to so that I can get to a healthy and sustainable weight and take care of the my Holy Spirit's temple and continue walking with God.

Spoiled has no place on this journey

Today's activity asked if I had ever expected God to help me with my healthy eating or did I feel like I was out there on my own. Can honestly say this is something I never considered, but made me realize that I am a SPOIILED brat.

I am finding through a lot of this that even though Made To Crave is a weight loss journey, it applies to so much more of my life. Yes, I have asked God to give me strength not only with regards to healthy eating, weight loss in general, but in all areas of my life. However, I never felt like I got any response - which probably has a lot to do with the choices I have made. What I have come to realize is that I have expected God to do EVERYTHING while I did nothing except go about my life how I wanted to live it. I was expecting Him to do all the work. Finally figuring out that it doesn't work that way.

I have to do my part. He is like that. Guess if He just waved a magic wand and did everything my way, well then He wouldn't be God would He. Guess that is like the clay trying to be the potter.

I didn't realize how much the Bible studies were affecting me until this past week when I have actually stopped to think about the questions Lysa is posing in her book and the participants guide. I think this is a good thing. Lots of personal "clutter" to go through and likely wouldn't do it on my own. I would perpetuate the definition of insanity - continuing to do what you've always done and expecting to get a different result.

I know this journey is going to be bumpy - last night was a perfect example. Did lots of praying and went to bed instead of trying to find something to eat, nothing was really here to eat, but it was just the idea. Expecting the devil to give me a real hard time about this one - he has got me for the last 25 years - NO MORE!!!

I am done being a spoiled brat -I am determined to do my part this time because I am who God says I am and I can do all things through Him who strengthens me, and His word is alive and active in me!

More than just me

Just read Chapter 2 in Made to Crave. I feel like everything Lysa has experienced and thought I have too. It is quite errie actually, but also shows me how NOT alone I am. I had to laugh out loud (really, not just LOL) when I read how she would strip off every stitch of clothes when she rolled out of bed and then stepped on the scale, only to not like what she saw so she would take her pony tail holder out and try again - because let's face it, it has to weigh SOMETHING. Oh how I can relate and understand.

So this whole journey has to be about me, doesn't it? I mean I am the one that walked out of the doctors office with the cholesterol report that said HIGH (LDL, not HDL). I am the one who had to tell Endia (the triage nurse) what the scale said, and unlike the DMV I don't think she would have bought what I wanted to tell her -115, yea, even when I lost 76 pounds last time I never got down to 115. I am the one who ran up my Kohl's charge (there's another blog in itself - they shouldn't have a charge program) because I didn't have anything I could fit into that I could wear to work - not an exaggeration either. Everything here is I, I, I - so this is about me..... no, no it's not. Not if I want it to last, not if I want to have the resolve and be empowerd to say NO! to that margaritta (the large one please) and the cheese caso, the chicken and cheese quesada , the sugary cereals, the ice cream, the Venti xyz from Starbucks and the list goes on, at least not for the long haul. Can I do it on my own for a few days, weeks, maybe even months (like all the previous times) - SURE!!! But there in lies the problem, after a period of time I hit the proverbial brick wall. I can remember what I chose the last time that sent me in the wrong direction - the BIG Reese Peanut Buttercup, they had just come out with them and I had deprived myself of anything and everything that could possibly satisfy me (at that time I was still looking "in the world" for satisfaction) that it lead to another and another, not to mention the couple dates with Ben & Jerry, Oreo showed up for the gathering and who only knows what else. That would be the week the lady at WW made me get on the scale 2x as she couldn't believe anyone could gain that much that quickly.

To increase my odds of not hitting that brick wall, I need to use those bricks - which could be called any number of things depending on the day - cravings, stressors, depression, fatigue, joy, sorrow, etc., - and turn them into prayers. Again, this is something Lysa addressed in Chapter 2. If I can take all these things that cause me to FAIL miserably and turn them into prayer - oh the blessings and positivity that will come from that!!!

I am learning, not since I started Made to Crave, this started happening to the best of my recollection January 29, 2011. I had made another of my too numerous to count bad decisions and finally realized, Kim - there has to be more than this, you have got to get yourself together girl and figure it out! I was living for me, for the here and now and that was getting me less than no where and fast! Cause let's face it -I ain't all that, not even close!!

I have decided that I will take each brick that I encounter that makes me want to make negative choices and turn them into prayer. That way I can create a climbing wall where I can make my way to God to be able to walk that glorious walk with him instead of building a wall that is going to seperate me from him because of my sinful ways and decisions! So to Starbucks - I am sorry, but only tall Non Fat skinny caramel macchatios are in the future for this girl, I am sure someone else will make up the missing revenue. :)